| | Yesterday Ash, Nathan and Kimmy came over, and helped Andrea and I move a bunch of furniture into my UHaul. Kimmy also brought over food from the Olive Garden, two kinds of wine, and cheesecake. That was amazing, she always does stuff like that, just overly generous. I had a lot of fun sitting around talking with them, and I almost wish I hadn't because it's making this whole thing harder. I wish we could all get in a big fight and I could flip them the bird and speed off to Virginia. But unfortunately I love them a lot, and I don't see that changing.
Tomorrow Kimmy is following my Uhaul in her car, and we're going to Roanoke to move all my junk into the new apartment (with help from my Uncle Chris who lives a couple of blocks away.) I'm excited because 1. I'm an adult or whatever, 2. I get to try new things (like living alone and working a lot?) 3. I realize that I am lucky to get a good job in this kind of economy (and as an artist) and 4. I've wanted to live in that city since I was a kid.
But today it suddenly hit me that I will be FIVE hours away from my mom and brother. I have trouble as it is being an hour away, because I always worry about my mom's health and worry that I'm not involved enough in Sean's life. And also, strangely, my mom and brother are my two best friends. No one makes me laugh as hard as Sean. And no one makes me feel as safe as my mom. I can't imagine not being able to run home to them after a bad week. And not to mention Ashley Baker, who has been within spitting distance for a decade. What if something happens to one of them and I'm not there? What if something happens to me and they aren't there?
Thinking about this gives me the worst anxiety. Several times today I could feel myself start to cry, so I'd look up and widen my eyes and think of something unrelated. But I know it's going to come. And when it finally does, it's going to be ugly.
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| | Posted 3/28/2009 1:19 AM - 16 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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